Author Archives: gloriabellyrub

Smurfs were first actively farmed for syrup in medieval Belgium. It had long been known of course that the queen of a Smurf colony, known as Smurfette, secreted syrup to feed the young Smurflings. Caesar wrote in his ‘Comentarii de Bello Gallico’ about the Northern Gallic tribes who ‘did squeeze from the pictsie an unctionContinue reading “‘Feeling Blue’ – A Treatise on the Husbandry of Smurfs”

The following words are not my own but are in fact those of il Presidente José Daniél Iagez of the small South American ‘banana’ republic of San Guillermo. The words were given as part of his bi-weekly television address to the nation. They serve as an interesting treatise on the nature of wellbeing in relationContinue reading “‘You Are Happy’ – A Treatise on Wellbeing in a Modern ‘Banana Republic’”

In 1985, due to a clerical error, a young Johnny Depp accidentally sold his soul to Teddy Ruxpin. This wasn’t a major issue until Hasbro bought out the original Ruxpin-making company and set about putting a portion of his soul into every Ruxpin produced. Later, J.K. Rowling cited the Johnny Depp-Ruxpin soul dilemma as aContinue reading “‘Johnny B. Goode’ – An Apocryphal Treatise on the Career of Johnny Depp”

Witnessing the removal of the Stone of Scone from Edinburgh Castle for the coronation of King Charles III, and the clear acute embarrassment of everyone involved with the ceremony of slowly processing a lump of sandstone from one location to another, made me think of a treatise I’d written during a period of convalescence whilstContinue reading “‘Gathering No Moss’ – A Treatise on Important Historic Rocks”

Sir Dandy Gladstone, Lord Peterbury Nomenclature, Casper Princely-Squinting, all names that have been etched in stone in the pantheon of cricketing gods, yet none of them played in that immortal Wessex C.C.C of 1897 whose sporting feats have echoed through the ages like campanologists in Cheddar Gorge. Considered the first truly great cricket team, theyContinue reading “‘Howzat Father!’ – A Treatise on one of History’s Most Influential Cricket Clubs”

The origami art form was invented and developed by Catherine de Montford (1456-1493) who, once she’d finished her cod and chips after Bingo, absent-mindedly folded the grease-soaked newspaper into the shape of a dabchick. De Montford earned a living from travelling from hamlet to hamlet, foisting miniaturised effigies of waterfowl on unsuspecting people to theirContinue reading “‘The First Fold is the Deepest’ – A Treatise on the Art and History of Origami”

This year of course has marked the 406th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death and the bunting has certainly been up in our house. During those four hundred years there have been countless productions of his plays and in this treatise I explore several of the most innovative and/or controversial ones. There is an old adage inContinue reading “‘Exit Pursued by Bear’ – A Treatise on Esoteric Productions of Shakespeare”

This particular treatise I can’t claim as my own but rather I have translated a recently discovered document from the site of Ancient Thebes. It appears to be from approximately 400B.C. though is yet to be ascribed to any specific historical figure. It takes the form of a dialogue between ‘Pedantases’ and ‘Prolexises’ in whichContinue reading “Treatise on the Defence of the Immortal Bureaucrat“

One of the highlights of Summer term in British schools is Sports Day where tiny humans are encouraged by their owners to lob wellingtons, to run swiftly whilst shackled to another, and to carry an egg at tremendous speeds. An odd assortment of sporting challenges to the uninformed eye, but where did these events comeContinue reading “‘Zapata’s Burrito’ – A Treatise on the Origins of Sports Day Events“

The classic Hellenic pantheon of Gods, headed by the thunder-wielding Zeus and his many siblings and progeny, is well known. With the development of the city states in Greece and the subsequent rise in the proto-middle classes there was suddenly a theological need for a group of deities whose remits fitted the concerns of theContinue reading “‘A Suburban Pantheon’ – A Treatise on the Mythology of the Neóploutoi”