‘Never Give a Cephalopod a Banjo’ – A Treatise on the Work of Dr. Evadne Plummaster
In October a squid was elected to the North Macedonian Assembly causing great controversy as North Macedonia is landlocked. Despite, as a species, not being native to North Macedonia, the squid in question was born in the Oceanarium in Skopje and therefore qualified to run for government under the non-cephalopod sub-clause lacking North Macedonian constitution.…
‘The Proposed Solution for the High Rate of Murders in Cincinnati’ – A Treatise on Innovative Crime Figure Solutions
I have below a record of the Police Chief of Cincinnati’s speech to the city council given earlier this week where he explained the force’s recent work on lowering statistics for a series of major crimes. Fellow Ohioans, I stand before you today the proud leader of the great city of Cincinnati’s law enforcement agency.…
‘How’s Ya Tickler?’ – A Treatise on the Classic Radio Series ‘Why Indeed Not Try It Madam!’
It is a tribute to the show’s impact and longevity that even eighty years after its original broadcast on the BBC Home Service on March the 4th 1946, fans of ‘Why Indeed Not Try It Madam!’ (WINTIM) still gather every year in Great Yarmouth (birthplace of its star Charlie ‘The Major’ Haverstock) to recreate some…
‘Your Just Desserts!’ – A Treatise on the Traditional Desserts of English Cuisine
For those not of an English background, the stodge-filled delights of a classic English dessert menu can be somewhat intimidating and only really consumable if you’ve declined to have a starter or main course, and care little for the well-being of your lower intestine. In this treatise I take you through a range of those…
‘The Lion, the Witch, and the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’ – A Treatise on the Unpublished Narnia Tales and Notes of C.S. Lewis
After the death of his father, J.R.R., Christopher Tolkien spent the rest of his existence publishing everything that he found in his father’s handwriting, including such literary delights as ‘Just the two pints today and other notes to the milkman’ by J.R.R. Tolkien (edited by Christopher Tolkien, Harper Collins, 2023). His fellow Inkling, C.S. Lewis,…
How to Correctly Hold a Lemon Fork – A Treatise on Etiquette
Occasionally I get letters. Most of them are about money owed with innovatively graphic depictions of the consequences to delicate bits of my anatomy if debts aren’t swiftly paid. And last week I received a missive from someone claiming to be my aunt demanding figs. However, I also recently received one from a ‘concerned of…
The Brown Bin Affair – A Treatise on the Questionable Historical Significance of Thirteen Brown Bins
My neighbour, Gladys Throatsweet, is currently in dispute with the local council as she has thirteen brown bins for garden waste and is refusing to give up any of them. The council insists that her council tax entitles her to the use of just one of these brown bins and that her hoarding of thirteen…
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Larry Hagman – A Treatise on the Phenomena of Modern Board Games
Long gone are the days when Monopoly, Risk, and Squeezy Baptist dominated the world of board games. The age in which the good brothers Parker and the folks of Waddingtons had a firm grasp of what you played with the family on a Sunday afternoon are but a distant memory. Confined to the dusty ledgers…
‘One Step Beyond’ – A Treatise on Obscure Afterlife Beliefs from Around the World
The Theravada form of Buddhism practiced in parts of Nepal expresses, like all forms of Buddhism, a belief in reincarnation. However, in this tradition, they believe that several people can be reincarnated as the same person at once, which they use as an explanation for multiple personality disorder. The voices in the head are just…
‘Guide-Frogs for the Blind Drunk’ – A Treatise on Support Animals Through History
As a society we’re all very used to seeing seeing-eye dogs guiding the blind, sheepdogs helping farmers, and red squirrels performing minor surgical procedures to help reduce the NHS backlog. However, readers may well be less well familiar with some of the other animals have been trained to support human society around the world and…
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