The Brown Bin Affair – A Treatise on the Questionable Historical Significance of Thirteen Brown Bins
My neighbour, Gladys Throatsweet, is currently in dispute with the local council as she has thirteen brown bins for garden waste and is refusing to give up any of them. The council insists that her council tax entitles her to the use of just one of these brown bins and that her hoarding of thirteen…
Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Larry Hagman – A Treatise on the Phenomena of Modern Board Games
Long gone are the days when Monopoly, Risk, and Squeezy Baptist dominated the world of board games. The age in which the good brothers Parker and the folks of Waddingtons had a firm grasp of what you played with the family on a Sunday afternoon are but a distant memory. Confined to the dusty ledgers…
‘One Step Beyond’ – A Treatise on Obscure Afterlife Beliefs from Around the World
The Theravada form of Buddhism practiced in parts of Nepal expresses, like all forms of Buddhism, a belief in reincarnation. However, in this tradition, they believe that several people can be reincarnated as the same person at once, which they use as an explanation for multiple personality disorder. The voices in the head are just…
‘Guide-Frogs for the Blind Drunk’ – A Treatise on Support Animals Through History
As a society we’re all very used to seeing seeing-eye dogs guiding the blind, sheepdogs helping farmers, and red squirrels performing minor surgical procedures to help reduce the NHS backlog. However, readers may well be less well familiar with some of the other animals have been trained to support human society around the world and…
‘Too Many Cooks . . .’ –A Treatise on the History of TV Chefs in the UK
Seeing as it’s Easter, I thought I’d add a fun, competitive twist to the blog and have therefore hidden Ricardo Montalban three times throughout this treatise. See if you can find Ricardo Montalban at least once. Why not challenge a friend? Remember, you’re looking for Ricardo Montalban. Technically, there are now more celebrity TV chefs…
‘A Plagiaristic Eulogy’ – A Treatise on an Anti-Christ
I can’t take credit for this treatise as it was actually written by Clematis Flange, the satirical editor for The Beano. I came across the work whilst in the waiting room at the clinic. In exchange for my sample, they allowed me to keep the comic. In the original, which acted as a prologue to…
‘I’ll See Your Four Emperors and Raise You Five’ – A Treatise on 69AD – The Year of At Least Four Emperors
Since Augustus Caesar took control of the Roman Republic and rebranded it as the Roman Empire in 27BC until Nero decided to stop fiddling and instead fall on his bow in 68AD, the Julio-Claudian dynasty had been in charge. Summo canibus. Which is of course Latin for ‘top dogs’ and Geordie for ‘an excellent coach…
‘Death Tap Dances’ – A Treatise on the Ill-Fated Seventh Seal Musical
The fateful adaptation of ‘The Seventh Seal’ into a musical, funded by Formula 1 magnate, Bernie Ecclestone, was one of the most infamous flops in the history of Broadway. In this treatise I explore the production’s history and prod tenderly at the reasons why it might have failed so calamitously. When the great Swedish director,…
‘Ill-Advised Poultry Gifts’ – A Treatise on ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’
One of the most common festive sounds is that quaint old English ditty of ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’. But what are the origins of the unusual gifts attributed to the misguided generosity of the narrator’s truelove? In this treatise I’ve rooted out the truth behind the seemingly cryptic lyrics. A Partridge in a Pear…
‘The Lying Toad’ – A Treatise on a Rediscovered Grimm Fairy Tale
Scholars of classic German Literature were delighted recently when a lost work by the Brothers Grimm was unearthed by workmen, who were refitting a harbour master’s boiler in Oberammergau. The work, which was dated to 1847, was serialised on the back of Bryant & May match boxes. Below, I’ve reproduced verbatim the translation produced by…
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Treatises of Gloria 