This particular treatise I can’t claim as my own but rather I have translated a recently discovered document from the site of Ancient Thebes. It appears to be from approximately 400B.C. though is yet to be ascribed to any specific historical figure. It takes the form of a dialogue between ‘Pedantases’ and ‘Prolexises’ in which the secondary speaker takes an increasingly minor role as the conversation progresses.
“The system is perfect,” states Pedantases.
“Is it?” Questions Prolexises.
“Yes, the system is perfect as long as people don’t try to use it,” explains Pedantases.
“I beg your pardon,” quothes Prolexises.
“The system works perfectly as long as no-one actually tries to use it. You see, in theory it is immaculate, there is nothing wrong with it. There’s only a problem when people try and use it. The system works at its optimum capacity, which is, I might add, nigh-on-perfect, when people don’t in fact use it,” says Pedantases.
“But what’s the point in having a system that you can’t use?” Asks Prolexises.
“Well, you wouldn’t want a sub-standard system? Something that’s ineffectual and flawed? No, far better to have the privilege of having access to a perfect system. As long as you never chose to act upon that privilege and actually use the system. What a comfort it must bring to people to know that the system is perfect, to have it busily inactive in the wings, ready to support at any point, as long as that point is never reached.
“And to highlight the success of this system, I should say that the issue that it was created to resolve has significantly lowered in instances since the system’s inception. We have, very much, thanks to the system, redefined the issue, making it almost obsolete. Indeed, by redefining the issue we have successfully alleviated it entirely as it is now no longer what it once was, and is now defined as something that it wasn’t, and as such the system has successfully eradicated the issue that it once was, as now it is, by its very definition, something else, and so it doesn’t fall within the remit of the system and therefore has no impact on the qualitative judgment of the system that was established to deal with the issue as it is no longer the issue that it was.
“Consequently, we can rightly deduce, thanks to the available data, which is fully available at all points, specifically at a point when it is not asked for or requested, at those points it is fully accessible, and demonstrates beyond all doubts and/or arguments, in particular beyond all arguments, that the system is fully successful.
“Therefore any issues anyone may still have don’t now exist as the system is infallible, and any of these non-existent issues are consequently your own fault and responsibility.” Elucidates Pedantases.
At this point the text cuts off and there are stains that archaeologists believe are a mixture of tears and blood.
Treatises of Gloria 